A great deal of people approach me and say "Pete, you were a fat little shit of a child, how did u manage to lose those tons?" So now I feel it my obligation to reveal to you, my dear reader, how in fact Pete managed to shed enough fat to grease the pans of a thousand chefs. But let me tell you now, it wasn't achieved overnight.. or by one simple method..
Method 1: SES Method.
- SES stands for stop eating shit... go figure
Method 2: Sore throat method
- Next time you have a sore throat, don't feel obliged to take pain killers or anything to relive the pain, except perhaps for a cup of tea and honey.
- Try eat then fatty, hurts doesn't it? Well not as much as having your stomach stapled or liposuction, so get used to it.
Method 3: Shanks Mare Method.
- Walk more, it'll help burn those pounds.
Method 4: The secret one
- If the above mentioned methods don't work, for a small fee of €150 I'll actually tell you how I did it... and let me tell you it was quite easy! ha! Enjoy 1-3. And tell me about it so I may bask in your misery.... lardo.
3 comments:
I've started utilizing the SES method and I've stopped eating feces. Chocolate candy bars have taken their place (for obvious aethetic reasons), is this ok?
Chocolate bars are actually made of decades old shit that have lost their smell. The smell is nature's way of saying don't eat this, but once the smell is gone, they taste quite good. Desist at once I say!
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